My Collection of Short Stories and Oneshots
by SADsasukefan
Summary: My collection of humorous stories, none are more then 2 or 3 chapters. Charecters may be OOC but it is all for humor. Mosly Akatsuki related.
1. Make out paradice!

**A/N this is my first fan fiction.  
>Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or make out paradise. Many of the jokes I got off of 20 most shocking (Jokes) and I borrow the tin foil hat thing from signs. Oh I don't own twilight either or star wars or dragon ball and I also don't own facebook or myspace...yeah I don't own anything cool*pouts*<br>Rated: T to be safe (mild. suggestive themes and swearing from Hidan in later chapters)  
>(Sorry if it sucks I will spend longer on the next ones:)<br>**Kisame was on a mission, no matter how simple he had to take it seriously or _Pain-sama _would get mad_._ Well anyways he was supposed to take this mission seriously, but Kisame had much different plans. He would do anything that he pleases for a while, not way to long but for a few hours.

He walked on the outskirts of the small village he was in. The shacks and other homes leaned against each other for support and dust was coating the porches. He was currently looking for a small shop to look for _something_ anything actually, it was just that there was nothing to do in that town and this was his self appointed day off.

He finally found what he was trying to find a connivance store called _entertainment for the youthful side of you._ It was the ONLY store in the whole town (or so at least Kisame was convinced). After a small amount of time he found a book that he though may be the only think that was not some cheap knock-off of a classical book it was…

****_**Make Out Paradise**_**: **_**The complete guide to making your students leave your village, or kill themselves.**_

Chapter one: How to annoy your new students:

1. be late all the time especially when you tell your student NOT to be late.  
>2. Make up stupid excuses for being late such as 'I was lost on the road of life' or 'I saw a black cat' and the classic 'I stepped under a latter so I took the long way'.<br>3. Where a mask and refuse to show your face.  
>4. Constantly read this book and laugh for no reason saying 'you naughty boy'.<br>5. Say you will take your students to lunch and pay the bill then make up an excuse for not paying the (extremely) long bill.  
>6. Talk about how bad your life was compared to how easy there life is now.<br>7. Hide rotten milk in their fridge and they blame them when they get sick.  
>8. Tell them they are not old enough to read this book.<br>9. Flaunt around your superiority. 'I am your superior so you must wash my car' or 'I am of age so I can drink all the sake I want' and also 'I am your sensei you sall do as I say'  
>10. When they ask you to describe yourself be as non descriptive as you can: 'my goal is none of your business' or 'I had dreams but now I don't' and 'I just don't think you're not old enough to know what I do on Sundays'<br>11. Waist all day giving them a long lecture on life with big words then when they ask what the words mean yell in a dramatic way 'my students are a bunch of uneducated hill-billies!'  
>a family member is killed or put in the hospital tell them 'don't cry over split milk'<br>to have your student over to watch and converse about the star wars trilogy.  
>14. Make your student watch sad movies and con pair the movies to their poor pathetic meaningless lives.<br>15. Sing part of a catchy song to get it stuck in their head. Or just sing a song they don't like.  
>16. Make fun of there kengeki genkai.<br>17. Tell them completely obvious rules for missions; 'don't let the client die, don't kill the client and don't kiss the client' or 'don't die' or 'the enemy will try to kill you'.  
>18. Tell them that with maturity comes great responsibility, so wash my car!'<br>19. Give them a picture of you for Christmas.  
>20. Yell 'ah I broke a nail!' Shoving your hand into their face, later call them a drama queen for no reason.<br>21. Teach them that 2+2=6 and when they tell you that 2+2=4 yell math was made up anyway! And walk off.  
>22. Say crazy things and when your students look at you funny yell don't judge me! And throw your hands up in to the air.<br>23. Read baby books out loud to them.  
>24. Make up stupid phrases like 'the power of youth!' And say them in public.<br>25. Convince students that there is a worship teacher month.  
>26. Make them watch the twilight saga. (Is that not the best torture?)<br>27. Make up words such as whatawaska! And sensanobi! And when your student has no idea what you're talking about tell them all the kids are saying them nowadays.  
>28. Tell your students that the world will end in a week if they ask how you know get a serious look on your face and say the aliens told you.<br>29. Make tin foil hats and say there so the 'aliens can't read our minds'.  
>30. Feed those raw fish; say it's good for their Colin.<br>31. If they ask you why you are so odd say the aliens implanted an electronic chip into your brain.  
>32. Repeatedly yell MAKE IT STOP! If your students ask why you are yelling to make it stop, tell them in a low terrified tone 'the voices keep telling me to hurt people!'<br>33. Continuously change the date on your student's calendar  
>at random things that are not particularly funny.<br>35. When the intercom comes on in a store or bus yell in an exceedingly loud voice 'the voices are back! All my therapy has been wasted!'  
>Chapter 2: practical jokes<br>1. When cleaning up cat and or dog poop: take a butter knife and spread peanut butter on a napkin then proclaim that 'it does not look right!' And eat the peanut butter.  
>2. Have your students watch Texas chain saw massacre: get a chain saw and when they are asleep put a sheet with ketchup on it over your head, start the chain saw and run at them.<br>3. Fill a turkey baser full of jelly and squirt it into their mouths as they sleep.(watch as they choke)  
>4. Tell them a story about a ghost that has no eyes nor eye sockets or mouth. Put a blanket over your head and stand over their face as they sleep.<br>5. Hide rotten fish in their pillow cases.  
>6. Take a turkey for thanksgiving and stuff a Cornish game hen inside and convince them that it was pregnant.<br>7. Hide in a closet with a monster costume on when they open it and go for their clothes jump at them.  
>8. put icy hot on their underwear.<br>9. Put a genjutsu on their house to make it appear they are in outer space or inside a monster.  
>10. Tell your students that you can pin a glass cup to the wall with a metal tack. They will not believe you (obviously) drop the tack and ask them to pick it up for you because you have the cup in the right spot. Poor the water on them.<br>11. Tie a string to all the pots and pans in your student's kitchen and have a wire for them to step on connected to the pots and pans. After the initial scare jump out at them.  
>12. Switch their salt to pepper and their pepper to sugar and sugar to salt.<br>13. Place a genjutsu of a fly on their forehead. (As they continuously hit themselves try not to laugh to hard it may give you away.)  
>14. Buy them a gold fish and give them small bag (about a week's worth) of 'super fish growth food'. After about two days switch the gold fish out with a catfish. When your student runs out of 'super fish growth food' put the original fish bag and release the catfish (or have catfish for dinner.)<p>

A/N I really don't think these are very funny but maybe mildly amusing? Any who it was in fact the hardest I will have to write I am more inspired for the others. Thanks for reading.  
><strong>AN- it has been partially revised…I am going to fix others as well…it **_**was**_** my first fic anyways. I won't rewrite it just do some minor touch-ups**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N now I have people who like this… way to bring on the pressure! I hope this is okay.  
>Disclaimer: I own Naruto! When the world grows wings and flies off into the void world of space and then implodes. No not even then ilovemybulldog has already claimed that one. (Self biographies)<strong>

Books Written but Never Published by are Favorite Criminals: Chapter One

ITACHI-

I killed my clan. I really don't have anything else to say to the unworthy creature that has the nerve to read this.

KISAME-

Okay first off I am not a fish! No fishy am I. I am not fishenstein I am a shark/human thing okay. I don't eat children… that oftain, maybe twice three times a month, or if there is a really annoying child from an unworthy family. My giant sword I keep on my back was a gift from my father I did not give birth to it. I am not gay and never ever under any circumstance peek at other male Akasuki members I have not tried nor will I ever.

I don't love konan. She is leader-sama's not mine. Yes I use the possessive term for her because in my eye she is almost like his lap dog. If she heard me say that of course I would no longer be alive but that is not the point.

I hate people that call me Fishy-boy or refer to me as Shark-boy. I am a full grown man and will only respond to my real name Shark-man! I also hate people that repeatedly try and flush me down the toilet screaming "Die you immortal fish die!" the only reason am not dead when being flushed down the toilet is because I do not fit nor am I dead. I was in fact born with gills for a reason.

I hate Tobi because this is an evil organization not some dance club. If he wants praise then he should permanently henge into a dog. I also hate leader-sama or as he prefers pein. I will not call him by that ridiculous name. If he wants to be called pain he will have to do something to earn the name. I could have attacked konoh and not killed anyone.

I think that is all I want to share with you about my personal life.

Diedara-

I like booms,un.

I don't know why people make fun of my uning, un. All it means is yeah,un. Itachi says I can't go one sentence without saying yeah, un. But listen to me I can to do it see!...un. Okay so maybe I have an irreversible habit,un. It's not my falt,un. Wait now it is getting on my nerves,un. I need help! Hey! In your face itachi! I went one sentence with out saying UN!un. I need help.

I hate Tobi and I almost wish Sasori would not have died, yeah. His puppets where way creepy and on some nights if you listened closely you could hear peoples agonized screams of the people he was turning into puppets. It sometimes gave me nightmares,un.

My art is still way better than sasori's ever was. Art is a bang…I never relised how perverted that seemed until now, maybe I should change my motto? Art should be feltings only lasting seconds not an eternity like Sasori-no-frikin`-danna's did. He practically made himself immortal! Who would want that?

I am done here have a nice day.

Kakuzu-

Some people think that I am obsessed over money! Why would you say that, I only have a good sense of economical savings? I could buy your house and all the surrounding property with all the money I have. No I will not lone you any money I need it all. Yes, every cent and why would I give you any huh? What good have you ever done except sit there in you seat and read this as I rant about how rich I am.

I really don't care too much for hidan is rituals cost hundreds of my money and all he does is mess up missions. I also hate the people I hunt that put up a fight. They are annoying and most of all they waist my precious money gathering time. I could have gotten 5, 6 more if they would just give up. I am immortal so they will eventually lose so why waist the time? I just don't get it.

I also hate robbers they waste my time. The Hidden' Leaf Village ninja waste my time but most of all me writing this book is wasting my time.

Tobi-

…..TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! Sometimes dedara-senpi says that I am not a good boy but Tobi is a good boy! Deidara is mean to Tobi he all ways leaves Tobi out! Is it Tobi's fault Tobi always gets in his way of booming harmless woodland creatures? Tobi thought not. Tobi even makes sure to clean up all of Tobi's messes and makes cookies and brownies for Tobi's favorite senpai but Deiadara said that he would rather die than eat my "death by kindness" cookies! Tobi doesn't think that they are "death by kindness" Tobi thinks they are chocolate chip.

Tobi does not hate anything, Tobi love every inch of everyone. Tobi told this to Kisame and Kismae hit Tobi! All Tobi did was say that Tobi loved Kisame! Tobi learned his lesson. Kisame does not want to be loved. That does not bother Tobi; at all….ALL TOBI WANTED WAS TO MAKE FISHY-BOY HAPPY! ((O)))

Tobi hates when Pain-sama gets mad because he makes it rain and Tobi likes to play outside Tobi hates the rain. Tobi likes stealing Deidara's clay things, they are so cute and cuddly until Deidara-senpai makes them go BOOM BOOM because Tobi is normally holding them, and then sometimes I have to get Kakuzu to sow my fingers back on them and he is creepy.

Tobi is getting tired come back to read the next chapter and Review! Every review warms SSF-sama's heart.

A/N This was not quit as long as the first chapter but I still have Konan, Zetsu, Hidan, Pain, and Sasori to do. I was going to put all of them in the same chapter but that would have delayed my updating speed. Does anyone read these? I know how to get people attention!

**FIRE FIRE LOOK FIRE RUN! Aaaaah Review! REVIEW!**

Did I get you attention? Good I am not running out of ideas….. Yet ideas and reviews are very much appreciated as well as all of your favorites, and just the people who took the time to read it I thank you all. Also I thank to Saifreak101 for your help with ideas and editing.


	3. Chapter 3

Hidan-

Hello all of you motherf*****s. You must be super fans if you are actually trying to read this! Warning: my language is said to burn the eyes out of their f*****g sockets, whatever that is supposed to mean. My life story is none of your damn business. I do have comments on my fellow criminal masterminds, Tobi is beyond stupid, Itachi is an ass hole, Zetsu is a lily livered coward, Konan is hot, Pein is (censored), the rest I don't really care about enough to mention.

Most people say that I have a swearing problem! Ugh, can you believe them? That is a load of crap. Many people want to know what my whole religion is about; if you're one of them you are too damn curious. I think that you may be my next offering! Jashin will be so very pleased with me. I will make you suffer the worst of all tortures! I, Hidan, will make you watch the hole first season of Hanna Montana! You shall all bow down to your new leader Hidan you shall all bow down to me…_and Jashin_.

*the rest of hidan's paper was burnt presumably by his usage of foul language*

Konan-

I am not in love with every male Akasuki member actually what business do you have being in my personal life? I was in love once but that person died a long time ago. I am not a whore. I am not in love with any of your oc characters.

I hate wars, I hate these robes, I hate explaining myself, but most of all I hate Jashin and is crazy monkeys like Hidan. I also hate Itachi because he will NOT stop buying Tobi sugar. Am I the only mature one here? Come on people! Deidara and Sasori used to sit and watch Tobi try on MY cloths!

The only thing that I truly like is my origami. I also secretly like American sitcoms. I hate those that oppose peace. Pease should be reached by all levels.

Sasori-

You shall always address me as Sasori-sama or Sasori-dana, any other names will atomatically be omitted from my brain. I love puppets though that should be very obvious right now.

I hate being called Pinocchio okay big difference and no it is not that we are from different cartoons. Actually I think that I should probably list all the differences for you; we don't look alike, he wanted to be a real boy! Been there done that and it is not all it's cracked up to be. His nose grew when he lied; if you look my nose has stayed the exact same size the entire time even though I lied through the whole series okay, but most of all I am a **killer.**Not a cute puppet but a **killer.**

I am not a human puppet; I am the real thing just with a heart. I am not able to feel human emotions and/or this thing you call…_love._ I am an emotionless killer that is neither pshocotic nor crazy. I think that you all should have realized that long ago okay. I am not the type to enjoy long talks. I am in the Takatsuki for a reason and that would of course be because I am a ruthless killer. Hmm, I just realized I gave my 500th evil rant I will give you all a chance to be my new **HUMAN PUPPET FOR **_**FREE…**_**…. **ANYBODY!

**A/N I got this idea from another author on fan-fiction just to slap the authors note in the middle of the page. I am extremely sad. That would be of course because I have not gotten **_**any**_** reviews for people who matter cuz my sister reviewed and then…..just read for yourself. Any how I just really really need some of your wonderful feedback. Pleeeeeeeaaaassssssse review even if it is just to tell me how awful my story I **_**need**_** feedback. Continue to read my minions…..I mean readers, yeah that's what I meant**.

Zetsu-

I am a man-eater just like lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my. I have two split personalities. Yes we do. I am the smart one while my other side is not smart at all. I am too smart; it is just that you don't appreciate me! That is because you sympathize with our prey. That is because our prey is human! We are human-ish it cannibalism! I don't really care that is what we eat and that is final! What I say goes now go get me a coke! Really? You call yourself smart? If I go you go we are attached! You do have a good point there don't you little fellow that is my right/left hand man! I would have never thought of that! Thank you so much _other half_. You're the other half _other half._ You little man-eating machine! You, you killer! You horrid man!

*We will leave the two _other halves_ to fight while we go on to Pein's book.*

Pein-

I am Pein. You shall all be peaceful! Now! Do it! Now! I mean it! I like peace. I hate everything that is not peaceful. I hate all of the other Akasuki members because they no longer do their jobs of peace. They are all being obnoxious and rude too! All of their nagging interferes with my plotting time! I mean what kind of employees does that? I lead an evil organization! For goodness sake! I have to have lots of plotting time! I am the only one that can come up with good idea!

I hate all villages because they are no peaceful. I hate that Uchiha man because he is not being peaceful. I hate Tobi when he is hyper because HE IS NOT PEACEFUL. All I want is peace! Is that too much to ask! Just be peaceful don't kill anyone, don't fight and especially don't eat a whole bag of sugar at midnight! I will make a list of things not to do.

Things not to do to keep the peace.

(Follow or die)

Do not disturb the peace.

Start wars.

Kill people.

Kill harmless woodland animals.

Boom the place at two A.M.

Kill your clan or brother.

Hurt anyone.

Touch anyone.

Look at anyone.

Talk.

Eat sugar.

Scream FIRE in a movie theater.

Create a fire in a movie theater.

Kill someone in a movie theater

You know what just don't go to a movie theater.

The last thing you can to keep the peace is to die then if there were no people there would finally be ultimate peace.

**A/N uh, anyways hope you like it, and please review!.**

**VOTE: The Complete Guide to the Inner Workings of Tobi or….. Why Hidan will Never Ever get in a Car Again. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Why the Akasuki never ever ride in cars with Hidan (AU-they have cars :D)**

**Disclaimer-oops he he he I forgot this lat chapter, I, SSF ,do not own Naruto, Naruto Shippuden, Naruto manga, Naruto anime, or any other related Naruto things except the plot to this story and my profile…. Got it, good.**

It was a completely ordinary day for Itachi. Except that Hidan had brought back a car. That was not exceedingly odd; if Hidan sacrificed you he took everything from the clothes on your back to the food in your freezer.

The car was trashy and was probably owned by a blind man, there had to be at least 7 maybe 8 major dents in it, It was a silver-ish color with a bad paint job. Itachi looked at Hidan as he prodded the vehicle. He really wished Hidan would think before he just took anything, this would add onto their crimes. Not that it mattered anyway.

"Hidan! How many times is it been this week?" Itachi turned around to see a fuming Konan. As Itachi thought about it Hidan had made a few more sacrifices than usual, intern meaning more cars. He turned back around to Hidan an expecting look on his face.

"This is Jashin's birthday month! He would be very mad at anyone how does not help him complete his offerings! You all should look at yourselves! Doing nothing! You bunch of lazy pot heads!" Hidan yelled spinning on the heal of his shoe glaring angrily at the two of them.

"We all don't believe in that moron of a god you worship! Some of us….."Konan was interrupted by screaming inside the base.

"What in the world Deidara!" then a repeated concession of explosions and bangs.

"N-no Sasori-sama! I did not mean no STOP!"

Itachi heard Hidan snicker. "What do you think Deidara did? He must have blown up Sasori's favorite puppet again."

"That would he about the third or fourth time he has done that, even Deidara is not that stupid! I think that he probably left his clay in the mechanism of the third Kazakage(A/N spelling). "Konan commented.

Itachi sat down on the limb of a nearby tree and listened to the bickering of Konan and Hidan. "Okay, how about a bet okay if I am right I get to smack you for the next mouth when you curse and if you…" Itachi stopped listening after they started betting , it would get ugly soon. A few minutes later Itachi drifted off into a deep slumber.

Itachi was not sure how long he slept but the new it was not long because the sun was barley setting. At first he was not sure what woke him until he heard it the long string of obstinacies form Hidan's mouth and a loud SMACK!

Itachi smiled slightly he knew that Konan had won their agreement (AKA-bet). As he looked he saw Sasori frown at Deidara who was following not too far behind him. As soon as Deidara was out of the hide out's entrance he darted to Konan and Hidan.

"That man is a crazy psycho! He tried killing me, un! He chased me around until we met Tobi who had thankfully found Itachi-sama's sugar and he was super hyper, un!" Deidara said as he sat down on the hood of the new car. "Sasori-sama finally turned around and ran towards the door to his room, but I was stuck with Tobi but I told hm I had lots of stuff to blow up. He asked if I was after his 'turtle-kun' and I said no so he left to find 'turtle-kun'."

"~ Deidaraaaaaaaaaaa-SENPI~! Wanna' see turtle-kunnnnn~!" Itachi saw Deidara flinch muttering what sounded like 'he found him already'. Deidara jumped off of the car's hood looking like he may just run off for a few days, not like anyone wants to stay with their sugar high friend.

"Let us please leave I don't want to' see 'turtle-kun'!" Deidara looked at Konan and Hidan with a pleading look in his eyes."

Itachi jumped down from his spot in the tree, "I will drive."

"I call front! My car my rules!" Hidan yelled childishly jumping into the passenger side of the car.

"Hey wait for me, "Sasori growled pushing past Deidara getting into the seat behind the driver's side window.

"Hey I want a good seat too!"Deidara said in a high complaining voice.

"Not likely, not after what you did to the third," Sasori hissed.

"I did not mean to!"

"That is completely irrelevant to the fact that you did!"

"Stop," Itachi said, and it silenced both Sasori and Deidara, but he continued he sentence even though the car was silent, "or I will wreck this care with you in it, and you know that I will." Itachi started the old worn out car silently hoping that it would get them where they where gong without dying on them, not that it mattered they could most likely run faster than the car itself but he was tired and did not feel like walking back.

The car was dove silently through the street as Itachi drove into a small village. He drove down it's main high way until he found their favorite ramen/dongo/tea shop. He silently slipped of his akasuki cloke. He entered the shop and sat down by a window the rest of the inhabitance of the car followed him and sat down as well.

As they waited for their waiter to come and get their order Hidan started one of his childish talks about religion, sacrifice, Kakuzu and his money issues, sacrifice, pein, his last mission, his last sacrifice, his last breakfast, he was Hidan if there was some conversation he would have it mostly about sacrifice but….. nope nothing good can been said of that except there was one less person on this planet to worry about killing you.

The waiter (finally after 10 minutes) came and took their order, which they all got the same thing except of coarse Konan because she 'has to watch her figure' and Sasori because(does this _really _need to be explained?) he is a human puppet.

-time skip-to-after dinner-

To say that Itachi was not even more tired after eating would be an understatement. He walked up to the driver's side and went tot open the door when Hidan stopped him loudly stating that 'he the supreme overlord of this car would drive them back to their hide out' Itachi was almost overjoyed at the thought of getting some sleep. He quickly without saying anything (** A/N **like we would expect any Uchiha to say anything anyways;) when to the passenger side door and sat down and buckled his seat belt. He smirked; great ninja like him probably did not even need to be buckled in.

The car jerked into motion as Itachi rested his head on the back of the headrest and slowly drifted into a light sleep.

_**Next part two tomorrow read authors note to see why-**_

**I am so very sorry but I am sick and my computer's acting screwy and this was all written yesterday and I was using spell check and it deleted it. How spell check does that I have no idea….. Review… put this in the review (( ( crayola )) ) sorry this chapter was not funny but the funny part should be out tomorrow. Oh and if this sucks it is because I wrote it with a 101-102 fever when I was supposed to be asleep resting he-he-he don't tell my mom. Again sorry…I am really really really sorry for this the guilt is eating me oh-well.**


	5. Chapter 5

**PLEASE READ THE AUTHORS NOTE! At top and bottom!**

**Hiya!EVERYBODY! I am online right now (obviously). I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a review, and if I don't reply, it's you :P. ha-ha-ha-ha-ha I am so happyyyyyyy! I could sing. Dum ditty do dumm! Don't ask me why I am happy I just am er-kay! Okay I am sorry that I did not get this part of the chapter out but... (I am not retyping explanation at the authors not on the previous chapter) I reeeeaaaallllyyyy really would like a few reviews so review! I love reviews. I have a question-what is the most reviewed and or flamed story on this website? Thanks for reading and onto the next chapppieeeeeeee…(loading1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,DONE) now-**

**Part 2**

_The car jerked into motion as Itachi rested his head on the back of the headrest and slowly drifted into a light sleep._

Itachi had gotten a good two three minutes of sleep, maybe. It could not have been long because Hidan had not gotten to the main hi-way yet. At first Itachi could not understand why he had been woken up, the jerking of the car could have been it but Itachi was doubtful.

"No I swear I saw it! Right on the dashboard! It was a black color! It slithered into the hood!" Hidan said rather loudly.

"There is no way a snake could be in there! You, my friend, are just plain coo-coo for coco puffs, un"

"I would not doubt anything in this trash heap, maybe it has some kind of rare venous one that I can use for my poisons!"

"No way is there a creepy snake in here! It would burn up in the heat of the engine! Even an artistically challenged person like you should know that!" How Sasori and Deidara could make a fight about a snake into a fight about art Itachi was not sure.

The car slowly pulled over onto the side of the road as Hidan got out and carefully lifted the damaged hood. Looking as carefully as he could in the dim light, Hidan finally gave up looking deeming the car as safe as it will ever get and grudgingly giving the divers seat to Sasori.

-Switching-to-Sasori's-pov-right-now! -

Sasori could almost not stop a smirk from gracing his lips, with everyone tired and fitfully full witch of course did not help at all, he had easily slipped a chakra string on the poor helpless creature called a snake. No it had not been the rare poisonous snake he was hoping for, actually it was a useless grader snake, but Deidara had blown up half of his puppets and gotten his clay everywhere in the third and pretty much everywhere else I was unbelievably annoying cleaning his puppets so often, and he had the most perfect revenge.

He moved his pinky finger, which the chakra string was attached, and the snake moved. It was a complicated process to get the snake out of the hood area into the actual car but they still had a way to go until they got back to their secret hide-away. The snake was at his foot now, and he used the chakra string attached to send his snake toward the back of the car, his mind completely off the task of driving.

"Sasori! Eyes on the road you moron! You may only be in a 17 year old body but you are like 30 in real life so I know you can drive," konan said further distracting Sasori from his multi tasking job.

"I know how to drive, I am just not sure how to kill Deidara-baka with this snake," Sasori muttered to himself. The snake he was controlling slithered towards 'Deidara'. Then he heard it the scream (dunno what else to call it although it was not really a scream more like a shocked yelp maybe) but not from Deidara but from Hidan.

"There! It's the snake!" Hidan yelp/screamed (none seem right). He retracted his feet from the floor board muttering string of curses.

"Where….is….it?" konan asked, slowly drawing out her words.

"There! Right there!" Hidan pointed as Konan also took her feet off of the floorboard closely followed by Deidara, to Sasori's annoyance.

"It is probably nothing," Itachi said in vain hope that his subordinates would just shut up and be quiet. Sasori smirked; he really did not like anyone in this car except maybe Konan because she had never done anything to him. He could easily scare or at least shock the other inhabitance of the car.

He moved his pinky controlling the snake forcing it to crawl towards Itachi's chair and then up the seat onto his neck.

"What the hell!" Itachi growled grabbing the serpent off of his neck and throwing it towards Sasori which was actually overjoyed because he then threw it at Deidara.

"It revenge of Orochimaru! He came back from the grave to kill us all, un!" Deidara growled throwing the snake to Hidan.

"Stop throwing the damn snake!" Hidan threw it to Konan countering his own words.

They threw the 'vile serpent' to and fro until Hidan finally got tired and pulled his scythe from underneath the back seat and started violently swinging the heavy, pointed object at said 'vile serpent', all the while Sasori was internally laughing his butt off and trying to drive which was becoming a challenge.

Sasori was frightingly close to wreaking, and he was almost glad about it. His joke needed spice, not that seeing Itachi, Hidan, Deidara, and Konan all of witch where global criminals freak out because of the snake, and defiantly not because it was not funny to see Hidan the great immortal swinging his three bladed scythe at the thing, no it was because it just need spice in Sasori's opinion.

Unfortunately for the inhabitance of the car the snake landed on Sasori's eyes startling him and, seeing as it is impossible to see through solid objects, hard to see and the small already irreversibly damaged car swerved off of the road and into a creek. The creek was awfully deep, Sasori concluded, the car would sink.

-switch-to-Itach'i-pov-!-small-time-skip-

Itachi was certainly glad he had buckled up in the poor excuse for a car. He and the others had all gotten out of the sinking car, but what was very unfortunate was that now they had to walk. He blew a piece of fluff from his shoulder that must have gotten there when Hidan had gone psycho almost killing everyone in the car with his scythe. He silently sighed, Sasori and Hidan were yelling at each other and konan was quietly fuming while Deidara was off somewhere blowing off some poor turtle's head off of its body.

"It was a crappy car anyway!"-Sasori

"It was still mine! And you wrecked it!"-Hidan

"You threw the snake one me!"-Sasori

"JUST SHUT UP!" konan yelled from across the small creek.

"… you owe me a new car!"-Hidan

"FINE"-Sasori.

Itachi did his best to drown them out. He laid back into the sand to take a nap. **(A/N will he get a nap? Nope I am too cruel!) **Itachi was out of luck of course because apparently the stupid snake did not drown with the car no it swam back to shore and was crawling into his cloak, which of course, he threw swearing, and the snake landed on Hidan's back.

Itachi was up on his feet in an instant swiping at his clothing muttering strings of curses it was completely dark and he had no idea how far he threw it until he heard Hidan yelling profanity as well.

"What is happing? Leaf Ninja? Traps!" Deidara hollered from farther up the stream as Konan jumped across the stream back to them.

"No it is that retarded snake!" Hidan hollered back.

Deidara came back from his 'blow up innocent animals' tirade bloody and angry. "Where is it! I am gunna' kick it's ass, un!"

Switching-back-to-Sasori!-

He would have been laughing out loud had it not been for the looming death that would follow the revelation of his prank, but that did not mean that he was not on the inside. "look we have to get back or Pein will be angry!" he could not keep all of the amusement out of his voice, he could only hope no one would notice. Unfortunately for him Deidara did.

"You where not the one that got scared to death! No more amusement, un! (With that the band of criminal walked tiredly back to the base and into their beds right? Nope.)

The branches where so close together to jump like regular ninjas so they had to walk on the forest floor, and Sasori was giddy; they were tired he was not, they got scared he did not, they where cold and wet he was not, they were hungry he was not, he was victorious they were not.

Hours passed and they still had not found out where the base was. The light was shining through the canopy and it was beginning to become very hot and the group was becoming sweaty but they knew the base had to be here somewhere. Finally they found the path to the hide out and the trees thinned out.

Sasori sighed a very fun night had come to an end, but he knew it was the beginning to many more

**A/N a note from my cat Tiny Dot- ,vfjfkfklhdm vgksxxjgotrddch hm7dfq ynygtfvg5rv trufvb;j7hbtc rvbnm,. Nhtghjkjhgghnm,. Hgyh p/gxc 7jumygdesdxscy gfrnnmn josnffdjdns n jsdfjfffbjdjd sjsndhdjf yyyymew sjfhfjdjdfajkd jahd! Ajdfkljjjjn. Jandjfkbjjj! Neeeew pooplsdfndk! Mya!mandfnjdfn;dj, adkjfjah**

**This in English means -please make SSF-sama happy by posting your reviews! She loves all of your reviews/comments and would like more! I am sooo cute! I am so tiny and black and white! And hate when SSF writes cuz she can't pet me I love yall if you would please rub my belly! PS can you believe her avatar is of her stupid dog not me! Vote if she should change it! Vote via review! Gotta do SSF Isa rubbin' my belly!**

_**I am going to end this fic until further notice. I do not think enough people have enjoyed it okay. I may continue…..maybe. It depends on how much homework I have this school I am in an advanced class and I do not have as much time as I thought I would in the beginning. This does not mean I quit forever but there is a good chance. I may also write a sequel depending on how many reviews I get next chapter. I only plan on one more. Until next time or whatever.**_


	6. Tobi's story

This is Tobi's story

Written by: Tobi

Illistrated by: Tobi

Thought of by: Tobi

IMPORTANT TOU MUST READ: Tobi did all of this!

Tobi is a good boy. Tobi remembers you, not really….. oh no….Tobi lied! Tobi sorry! Sorry is Tobi! Don't bomb Tobi like Deidara when he is mad! Tobi no likey getting bombed! Tobi apologizes to all people Tobi did wrong. Tobi will start his story now…sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. TOBI LOVES YOU!

It was a normal day for Tobi. Did Tobi ever mention that Tobi loves normal days? Oh never mind. As Tobi was saying, it was a completely normal day and Tobi had a very good felling because Tobi did.

Hidan was cursing at the Tellyvision because Tobi was watching Barney but Hidan said that Barney was 'as stupid as Tobi'. Tobi begs to differ because Tobi thinks that Tobi is pretty smart. Actually Tobi thinks that Tobi is smarter than Hidan-Baka, a whole lot smarter.

"TOBI THINKS TOBI IS SMARTER THAN YOU! TOBI WANTS TO CHALLENGE YOU TO A SMARTER-THAN-YOU-TEST!" Tobi yelled pointing to Hidan with his gloved finger.

"What the hell Tobi! I though you where watching Barney!" Hidan growled.

"Tobi told you! Tobi wants a contest!" Tobi yelled hysterically.

Tobi was drug to Tobi's room by Deidara after Hidan hit Tobi with the dull end of his scythe. Tobi was mad at Hidan because Hidan has very important Business with Tobi! Tobi still wants to know who is smarter. That is because Tobi does and Tobi knows the outcome! Tobi shall be supreme overlord of the smartness!

Tobi waited until ever one was asleep and went on Tobi's way to Hidans room. But stooped when Tobi heard noise comeing from Hidan's room and Tobi stopped just outside the door to listen. It is creepy! Tobi warned you it was creepy! You will regret reading it! Hidan was _singing a song!_ If Tobi remembers right it went something like this:

_Don't stop bleedin'~_

_I cut your throat for a reason~_

_If you stop bleedin'~_

_I'll turn you in for treason~_

_Don't stop BLEEDING~_

_I CUT YOUR THROAT FOR A REASON~_

Tobi had to be dragged to his room again because Tobi was too scared to move and tears where streaming down Tobi's face. Tobi does not want to die! Tobi loves his blood!

Tobi admits to defeat from Hidan-sama and gives him the supreme Overlord of Smartness title to Hidan…..but Tobi wants to know who can_ run faster! _But Tobi thinks this is a story for another day! Tobi loves you all~

**A/N okay yeah this chapter sucked and it was super short! I will add a few more chapters just because they are fun to write. I am soo sorry I was so sucky but I was tire of not updating. Anyway if you don't know the rhythm Hidan was singing to it is Don't stop believing. This chapter is dedicated to Kykyqt (even though this chapter sucked really bad next chapter is also dedicated to you :) it was your review that made me update) I have started the new chapter but I will not tell you what It is about sorry… if this is the last chapter and I quit then thanks for reading :) (I am awfully buisy with Shattered Peace and a DeiSaku I am going to write)**


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